Rick Caminiti dotCOM » Getting Product and Version Information on SQL Server – Rick Caminiti dotCom

Getting Product and Version Information on SQL Server

NothingMan — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 17:43:14 +0000


SELECT SERVERPROPERTY('Edition') AS Edition,
       SERVERPROPERTY('ProductLevel') AS ProductLevel,
       SERVERPROPERTY('ProductVersion') AS ProductVersion

Edition	ProductLevel	ProductVersion
Enterprise Edition	SP2	9.00.3282.00

Obscure Timestamp DataType in SQL

NothingMan — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 21:20:42 +0000

In SQL Server, a Timestamp field helps to keep track of changes to a table in a Database.
To use it, you simply define a field without a name, and a data type of TIMESTAMP.
SQL Server automatically inserts an internal identifier into the column whenever a row is inserted or updated. To get the current value use ‘SELECT @@DBTS.


 
CREATE TABLE .t2
      (
      a int NULL,
      b int NULL,
      timestamp NULL
      )  ON [PRIMARY]
GO
COMMIT
 
 
 
insert into t
(a, b)
values (1, 2)
 
SELECT @@DBTS DBTS




DBTS




0x00000000000007E6




 
 
select * from t




a


b


timestamp




1


2


0x00000000000007E2




1


2


0x00000000000007E3




1


2


0x00000000000007E4




1


2


0x00000000000007E5




1


2


0x00000000000007E6

Google Geocoding in SSIS

NothingMan — Wed, 20 May 2009 17:46:18 +0000

I have an old YouTube tutorial on how to use Google Geocoding within SSIS, but I lost all the downloadable scripts. I recently had a few people asking me if I could send them the scripts, so I deiceded to rewrite them.

Again, you can check out the YouTub video (it’s rough) for more details, just go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTSHzR-wSgc with this DISCLAIMER: This code was just thrown together and is quite ugly and my microphone was terrible, I usually sound much better than that :-)

In a nutshell, I sniped about 18,000 golfcourses off the web with a PHP script and got basic course information for all of them, including the address information. I wanted to use Google Maps to display these courses, so I thought I’d use Google Geocoding. Caution, they don’t like it when you hit them 1000 times per second, so I would recommend using a Sleep command in your code like I did so you can throttle it without getting kicked off.

So, I have an OLE Source task that reads from my database. I created a Derived Column task to create placeholders for latitude, longitude, and level of accuracy. I created a Script Component and selected street, city, state, and zip as input columns and added lat, long, and accuracy as read/write columns.

Open the script editor, add a reference to System.Web, then create a new class called Google GeoCode, or whatever the heck you want to call it and paste in this code:

Option Strict Off


''' Might need this, might not
Imports System
Imports System.Data
Imports System.Math
Imports System.Net
Imports System.Web
Imports System.IO
Namespace GoogleGeoCoder
    Public Interface ISpatialCoordinate
        Property latitude() As Double
        Property longitude() As Double
    End Interface
    ''' 
    
    ''' Coordiate structure. Holds Latitude and Longitude.    
    ''' 
    
    Public Structure Coordinate
        Implements ISpatialCoordinate
 
        Private _latitude As Double
        Private _longitude As Double
 
        Public Sub New(ByVal lattitude As Double, ByVal longitude As Double)
            _latitude = lattitude
            _longitude = longitude
        End Sub
 
        Public Property latitude() As Double Implements ISpatialCoordinate.latitude
            Get
                Return _latitude
            End Get
            Set(ByVal value As Double)
                _latitude = value
            End Set
        End Property
 
        Public Property longitude() As Double Implements ISpatialCoordinate.longitude
            Get
                Return _longitude
            End Get
            Set(ByVal value As Double)
                _longitude = value
            End Set
        End Property
 
    End Structure
    Public Class GeoCode
        Const _googleUri As String = "http://maps.google.com/maps/geo?q="
        Const _googleKey As String = "yourgooglekeyhere"  ' get your own        
        Const _outputType As String = "csv"
        Private Shared Function GetGeoCodeUri(ByVal address As String) As Uri
            address = HttpUtility.UrlEncode(address)
            Return New Uri(String.Format("{0}{1}&output={2}&key={3}", _googleUri, address, _outputType, _googleKey))
        End Function
        ''' 
        
        ''' Gets a Coordinate from a address.        
        ''' 
        
        ''' An address.        
        '''         
        ''' 1600 Amphitheatre Parkway Mountain View, CA 94043        
        '''         
        '''         
        ''' A spatial coordinate that contains the latitude and longitude of the address.        
        Public Shared Function GetCoordinates(ByVal address As String) As Coordinate
            Dim client As WebClient = New WebClient()
            Dim uri As Uri = GetGeoCodeUri(address)
            Dim geoCodeInfo As String()
            'The first number is the status code,             
            'the second is the accuracy,             
            'the third is the latitude,             
            'the fourth one is the longitude.            
            Try
                geoCodeInfo = client.DownloadString(uri).Split(",")
                Return New Coordinate(Convert.ToDouble(geoCodeInfo(2)), Convert.ToDouble(geoCodeInfo(3)))
            Catch ex As Exception
                Return New Coordinate(0.0, 0.0)
            End Try
        End Function
    End Class
End Namespace

Save it and then go back to the main script and add Import that class (see code). Notice, the way I’m getting the level of accuracy with my ugly nested IF statements isn’t the prettiest way to do this, use your imagination. Copy in this code into the Main Script:


' Microsoft SQL Server Integration Services user script component
' This is your new script component in Microsoft Visual Basic .NET
' ScriptMain is the entrypoint class for script components
 
Imports System
Imports System.Data
Imports System.Math
Imports Microsoft.SqlServer.Dts.Pipeline.Wrapper
Imports Microsoft.SqlServer.Dts.Runtime.Wrapper
Imports ScriptComponent_4a8732cababc49a999159a91c737082a.GoogleGeoCoder
 
Public Class ScriptMain
    Inherits UserComponent
 
    Public Overrides Sub Input0_ProcessInputRow(ByVal Row As Input0Buffer)
 
        Dim coordinate As Coordinate = GeoCode.GetCoordinates(Row.street & ", " & Row.city & ", " & Row.state & ", " & Row.zip)
 
        If ((coordinate.latitude <> 0) And (coordinate.longitude <> 0)) Then
            Row.lat = Convert.ToDecimal(coordinate.latitude)
            Row.long = Convert.ToDecimal(coordinate.longitude)
            Row.acc = 1
        Else
            coordinate = GeoCode.GetCoordinates(Row.city & ", " & Row.state & ", " & Row.zip)
            If ((coordinate.latitude <> 0) And (coordinate.longitude <> 0)) Then
                Row.lat = Convert.ToDecimal(coordinate.latitude)
                Row.long = Convert.ToDecimal(coordinate.longitude)
                Row.acc = 2
            Else
                coordinate = GeoCode.GetCoordinates(Row.zip)
                If ((coordinate.latitude <> 0) And (coordinate.longitude <> 0)) Then
                    Row.lat = Convert.ToDecimal(coordinate.latitude)
                    Row.long = Convert.ToDecimal(coordinate.longitude)
                    Row.acc = 3
                Else
                    coordinate = GeoCode.GetCoordinates(Row.city & ", " & Row.state)
                    If ((coordinate.latitude <> 0) And (coordinate.longitude <> 0)) Then
                        Row.lat = Convert.ToDecimal(coordinate.latitude)
                        Row.long = Convert.ToDecimal(coordinate.longitude)
                        Row.acc = 4
                    Else
                        coordinate = GeoCode.GetCoordinates(Row.state)
                        If ((coordinate.latitude <> 0) And (coordinate.longitude <> 0)) Then
                            Row.lat = Convert.ToDecimal(coordinate.latitude)
                            Row.long = Convert.ToDecimal(coordinate.longitude)
                            Row.acc = 5
                        End If
                    End If
                End If
            End If
        End If
    End Sub
 
End Class

WordPress SEO – Great Tips

Rick — Mon, 18 May 2009 00:59:26 +0000

This is a must-read if you’re using WordPress and want some SEO tips.

The basic technical optimization: simplest stuff, highest rewards
Permalinks
Optimize your Titles for SEO
Optimize your Descriptions
Optimize the More text
Image Optimization
Template optimization
Breadcrumbs
Headings
Clean up your code
Aim for speed
Rethink that Sidebar
Advanced technical optimization: preventing duplicate content
Noindex, follow archive pages
Disable unnecessary archives
Pagination
Nofollowing unnecessary links
Altering your blog’s structure for high rankings
Pages instead of posts
New wine in an old bottle: use well ranking-posts to rank even better
Linking to related posts
Conversion optimization: get those readers to subscribe!
Comment optimization: get those readers involved
How should you get people to comment
Bond with your commenters
Keeping people in the conversation
Off site blog SEO
Follow your commenters
Use Twitter
Find related blogs, and work them
Conclusion

I Can’t Stop Looking at This

Rick — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 04:46:44 +0000

I was researching some Business Intelligence information like cubes and hypercubes and stumbled upon this transic picture and I can’t stop staring at it.

This link is directly to the wikipedia picture where I got it from and it is liked to the page I found it on in case you’re interested. This is a hypercube.

I Got Fired, and it was Kinda Cool :-)

Rick — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 15:10:37 +0000

A wise man once said, you never know who you are until you get fired. Not sure who said that first, but I’ve heard that saying before. People always say, you really find out who you are when you get fired and have to scramble to survive. Well, truth be told, I wasn’t fired because I’m still employed by my consulting company, but I was “let go for budget reasons” at the place I was consulting. So, not really fired, but let’s say I worked for a different consulting company, I’d be out on the street looking for something new and would have to face a bunch of crappy consequences.

Ok, not the same thing, I know, but my point is, I always kinda thought, everyone eventually gets cut, fired, or something like that over a career, and I always feared that day. So when I got the news, I was pleasantly surprised that I didn’t give a crap. I mean, it sucks to leave, it sucks to not be working and all that, but I guarantee, within a week, I’ll be working somewhere better, doing better work, learning new things… without a doubt because the company I work for is looking out for me.

Still more, what’s even better is that if they DON’T find something for me, my wife and I are finacially stable and she “sells” people with my skills, so she could find me something fast and I’d make even more money and she’d make money on my money…

Strange how this “firing” has opened my eyes. I always feared this day, but now that it’s here, I wish it had happened a long time ago It’s just good to know that I’m in a good place right now and that I have a good career path, a good company behind me and a good wife behind me. Working is actually kinda fun when you don’t care about getting canned

Ever Wonder How The World Will End?

Rick — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 04:14:39 +0000

I don’t even remember how I stumbled upon this site, let alone this post, but I had to share. My naive self trusts that the content is real and that there was a good amount of research going on, but regardless, it was captivating to me.

I found this at a Site called Best of the World (botw). It’s Simply about 10 disasters that could cause the end of the world. Again, being naive and uneducated in physical science, it’s amazing to me to see how plausable some of these are. I have listened to audiobooks of the likes of Steve Hawkings and other physisists, so I kinda know what’s going on in some of these, but it just adds to the complexity that is my understanding of space/time.

You HAVE to check the descriptions and videos on the Site… I just find this stuff to be amazing. Hope you do to.

Here are the 10 possible ends of the world:

Particle Accelerators – Very possible
Rogue Black Holes – I’ve been afraid of this one since they were explained to me 20 years ago
Gamma Ray Bursts - Interesting and apparently common
Omega Point – Ummmm, totally don’t get this one, but I’ve read a lot about consiousness and can start to understand it… maybe
Bubble Nucleation – If any of this is true, then why not. Confusing, but interesting nonetheless
Divine Intervention – Possible, I suppose. Trying not to think on this one
Solar Flares (Super Flares, to be exact) - Holy crap… cool stuff. This seems freakishly possible.
Aliens Attack the Earth – As much as I don’t believe, it’s hard not to. 217 planets have been found… WTF?
Global War – This isn’t number 1?
Ecosystem Collapse – This isn’t number 2? Scary

So anyway, fun stuff. Always good to know that it could all end any time. More reason to enjoy life now, right Dunno much about this site, but thanks to Best of the Web for this intereting article.

HTC Touch (Eat Your Heart Out iPhone)

Rick — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 03:20:36 +0000

Well, it’s been several years since I would have considered myself a phone-whore, but now I can clearly remember why I used to be. Of course, by phone-whore, I am referring to the fact that I used to buy a $300+ phone every single year because of the advances in technology and all of the cool new tools and goodies that came with it. It all started with the Star-TAC. I paid $350 for that thing. Hard to believe when you look back.

Anyway, when I met my wife, I kinda stopped being such a kid and I eventually stuck with my Treo 650 for about 4 years. It was a great phone and I really had no reason to get rid of it. After a while though, I started losing reception and missed calls and dropped calls like crazy. I had also just gotten into this freakin’ car accident and had completely covered the Treo in my blood so I thought it was a good idea and a good time to upgrade.

Well, this was the first phone I had every actually bought without researching. I randomly decided to stop by the Sprint Store and saw the HTC touch. I knew nothing about it, but it caught my eye and eventually took my full attention. I played with it for no more than 5 minutes before they called my name, and I was already sold. I didn’t actually “play” with it, I simply checked the specs and some of the control panel options and networking options and I all of a sudden couldn’t live without it.

The sad thing is that the next day I was floored by all of my concussion issues and I literally could not physically walk to go get my phone, let alone find the desire or any more interest in it. It sat on the counter uncharged and unused for 5 or 6 days. I didn’t even check for missed calls, let alone play with it or set anything up.

Well, needless to say, I eventually picked the damn thing up and fell back in love. It was a little difficult to start using because it was my first Windows Mobile phone and it was the first phone packed with all these goodies. When I finally started figuring things out and using it like I should be using it, I couldn’t figure out how I had gone so long without a new phone and why I hadn’t known more about this one.

There’s still a LOT I’m not using on it and a lot that I don’t know about it. I don’t even know how/where to get free apps for it yet and I don’t know of any hacks or anything, but here’s what I know and what I use:

It’s 4 oz. It’s so much lighter than the Treo. Seems weird, it’s only 2.5 oz lighter, but you can really tell. It’s also 1 oz less than the iPhone. It’s a half inch shorter than the Treo and iPhone and it’s about the same thickness of the iPhone (almost .5″ less than Treo). It’s the same width as both. This isn’t necessarily a GOOD thing because you lose screen real-estate compared to the iPhone, but it’s better on the pocket-space/purse-space if you’re a chick.

The Battery life really suffers compared to the others, especially the iPhone. I have a AC/DC power charger though so I almost always have it externally powered. It’s USB powered too, so when I hook it to my PC, I’m getting charged as well. Not sure if the iPhone is.

There’s a measly 152MB of built-in memory which is a big step up on the Treo, but it’s about 7.9 GB short of the iPhone. However the iPhone is stuck at 8 GB, where the other two use SD slots. The Touch uses microSD. I have a 2GB in there now and that’s plenty for now.

It has Bluetooth like the others, but I had never really used the Bluetooth stuff on the Treo before. I already have everything running with Bluetooth now and I absolutely love it. Bluetooth deserves it’s own post though. This version of the phone (CDMA) can’t use WiFi, which kinda sucks. The iPhone can. The Sprint people told me it could, so that bugs me even more, but then again, that’s something I don’t think I’d use that much. EVDO is fast enough for what I do methinks.

It uses Windows. Not PALM… not APPLE. I’m not THAT much of a Widows fanatic, but I despise the other two greatly, so I’m thrilled to have Windows Mobile 6. It’s also got built in GPS. Sprint hasn’t come up with the software for this yet, so you can’t really use it unless you pay for the proprietary Sprint services. Oh well, I’ll have this for a while and I’ve heard that this will be release 1st quarter (Sprint peeps said that). Can’t wait, but the Map features in Windows Live are awesome enough without it.

So anyway, enough with the comparisons. There are goods and bads as compared to the others, but this is what makes me love the phone regardless of why I did or didn’t do this on my Treo and regardless of whether other phones do this or not:

It’s my first Windows Mobile phone for starters. I love that fact how this seamlessly integrates with all of my Office tools at work and home, mainly Outlook. This is the first time I’ve ever been completely synched. I have integrated all of my contacts from all of my email services (gmail, hotmail, yahoo, work and home) into my phone and then back to each of the sources. My contact lists are now all the same. They’re not truley synched, but I can synch them manually when I want, but the bottom line is that my phone as ALL of my contact info and so does my laptop’s Outlook.

Aside from that, I also have all of my email integrated into the phone now. So now, when I get hotmail, gmail, work, comments from here, text messages, or Instant Messages, I know right away. I also have all of my personal calendars and work calendars synched. I know that sounds trivial, but the further along in my career and the further along in my family life (The older I get), the more I will live and die by these features. I haven’t been late to a meeting and or doctor appt and I haven’t forgotten that I need to do this or that after work, etc. I’m excited now when the alarm rings and says “Wake up, you have an 8:00 this morning”.

I love the touchFlo. For those that don’t know, this is something that iPhone has and seems to do well. It’s really nothing more than a flash way to browse. For instance, you slide your finger up and it pulls up a menu, or you slide right and left to scroll through pictures or you slide it in a circle to zoom in and out. There aren’t many buttons on this phone, so this helps make things easy to navigate without scrambling through menus.

I love the way Windows Live Search works. I’ve always been a Google Maps mark but this map software for the phone is awesome with the driving directions and the way you can navigate and zoom on the turns and destinations. I love the Sirius player I installed to DEATH. Since my car has been in the shop for 25 days and still has 10 to go, I’ve been using my phone to listen to Howard and Bubba on Sirius on the ride to work. I love Sprint TV, but not nearly as much as the Slingbox mobile software where I can actually control and stream my physical components at home (I can power on and watch my cable or Replay TV on my phone… freain’ awesome).

I love the mini USB. It’s nice and easy to hook up to the PC. It comes with a splitter so you can power it and use the headphones at the same time (the headphones are USB too). There is an adapter for a 1/8″ headphone jack too.

I don’t like that Sprint has “disabled” the GPS, or that they haven’t done whatever they need to do for us to use the GPS chip on non-Sprint software. I don’t like there isn’t a keyboard option like what I’ve seen on the iPhone where the numbers get larger when you press them so you can make sure you’re hitting the right key before release your finger. I also don’t like that there’s no WiFi and I don’t like that I don’t know anything about the new features and hardware on the phone so I can’t use it for more stuff For instance, I don’t know how to use it as a modem for my phone (without paying for the Sprint add-ons) and I’m struggling to figure out how to synch via Bluetooth dongle. I think that’s an ActiveSync issue though, not my phone.

All in all, I love the phone, as you can clearly infer from my comments and I’m not biased in any way other than the fact that I didn’t like Palm’s OS and I don’t like Apple Really though, the phone is great. I strongly recommend it for anyone. I got it for $250 after rebates and would have paid more for it. Do your research though unlike I did. I would have still gotten this, I’m sure, but there’s plenty of info out there. Enjoy.

Candid Pictures of My Disaster

NothingMan — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 17:07:38 +0000

If I can pull another excuse out of the bag as to why I haven’t been here lately, I’ll take my best shot. Here are some quick pics of what I’ve been up to lately

I was driving home a few weeks ago, and I was no more than 1/2 mile away armed with a few movie rentals to enjoy with my wife in front of the fire on a night without children. It had started snowing about an hour before, but only about 10 minute prior, it started coming down really hard. There was maybe 1/2 inch to a full inch of fresh snow on the roads, but from what I felt in my Pathfinder, it was still smoothe sailing.

I vaguely remember thinking how glad I was that my car was so “safe”, with the slip protection control, the automatic 4×4, the really-good-anti-lock breaks, the fact that it’s big, etc. It completely slipped my mind that other people may not have that same luxury.

The road I was on was straight, flat, and otherwise, completely safe. There were a few side roads with stop signs, and I know the road like the back of my hand. I noticed the car to my right, ahead of me, pulling up to the stop sign, but by the time I noticed that they weren’t stopping, the car was only about 15 feet in front of me, and I was going 30-40 mph on snow —BOOM. I had just enough time to cut the wheel hard to the left, which at least kept me from smashing her driver-side door; I hit more of the front-end, which I would imagine saved her a LOT of pain.

After impact, I apparently spun across 4 lanes, 2 oncoming, and luckily no one hit me. I don’t remember that, and I don’t remember the airbag or anything up to getting out of the car and calling for help. I remember calling my wife and saying “I got into an accident, don’t worry, I’ll call you with details”. I knew I was bleeding like crazy from my head and would be going to the ER, but I figured if I got into a wreck, I certainly don’t want her driving out here to come see me.

Since I was only 1 minute from home, she decided to come check on me and help me. Based on how she perceived the situation and the clarity of my voice when I called her, she was a little shocked to see me on a stretcher, tied down, in neck and leg restraints with blood completely covering my face.

Here I am in the ER. I took this picture of myself after I got stictches in my hairline and after the blood was cleaned up. You can still see some smeared across my forehead and on the bed, but most of the carnage was gone at this point… about 6 hours after we were admitted :-/.

Here’s my Pathfinder. ~$16,000 in estimated repairs at this point. Looking to get it back at the end of Jan (40 days total). I sure hope they do a good job, I don’t want to have keep taking it in for more repairs :-/

Here’s my leg. I remember in the ER saying that my legs “kinda” hurt. I had no idea how bad they were until the next day. This bruise ended up taking over my entire left leg at one point. The knot was about the size of a baseball. It’s still there.

Just at the time that I was able to start winding down the painkillers and muscle relaxers and start moving around a bit, I got the flu. Just in time for the holidays. On top of all that, apparenly I had some sort of post-concussion syndrome or whatever that was causing me to be lathargic, depressed, nausious, weak, dizzy, and all that good stuff. I’m surprised at this point that I don’t have bedsores from all the time I spend just laying down or sitting.

You always think “I can take care of myself”, at least I always do, and you probably can take care of yourself, but it’s times like this that really make you feel thankful for your friends and family, and especially your spouse if you have one. I’ve never really been in a bad accident before; there’s just a lot of stuff you don’t think about that needs to be taken care of. Getting things out of your car, talking to the police, driving you around, getting medicine, getting a rental car, talking to the insurance companies, etc.

Thank God for my wife or I might still be on the side of the road.

Back, Again, For Now

NothingMan — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 18:23:22 +0000

Without thinking too much, I’m trying to remember when the last time I wrote a post or even came to this site to check stats, comments, or anything. It escapes me. At some point, I fell into a huge slump and a nasty rutt where I hardly even checked email, let alone had anything to do with a blog.

I’m not sure what happened to me, but I completely lost every desire to do any kind of personal work. Some sort of depression I suppose, but I’m no shrink. I even pulled the plug on my Adwords campains that were making me [some] money. The weird thing is that I didn’t check any stats or any income numbers at ALL since my last post. I completely abandoned it.

Well, I looked today and almost had a heart-attack. Of course, what do I expect. I was somewhere around 3million on Alexa for this site and something like 7million on one of my others. The other is unranked, lol. It’s just silly, because I was getting to a point where things were starting to run smoothly, and I just jumped ship. Who knows.

So here I am, back for another go. It may take me a bit to get back into a steady groove, but I’m going to try.

The Man Rules

Rick — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 21:30:09 +0000

I got this email forwarded to me. I usually just toss these in the trash, but I thought this one was funny enough to share. I don’t to the whole email spam thing though, so you have the distinct pleasure of being spammed as a reader

These are our Man rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered ’1′ ON PURPOSE

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Fishing/Hunting.. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If y! ou think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing,’ We will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really .

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball,football,golf or sex.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

New York’s $25,000 dessert sets Guinness record

Rick — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 15:24:27 +0000

I saw this on Yahoo News and I think it’s disgusting. A 25-friggin-thousand dollar dessert. I’ll have two, thanks.

Stephen Bruce, owner of Serendipity 3, partnered with luxury jeweler Euphoria New York to create the “Frrozen Haute Chocolate,” a blend of 28 cocoas, including 14 of the most expensive and exotic from around the globe.

The dessert, spelled with two Rs, is infused with 5 grams (0.2 ounces) of edible 23-karat gold and served in a goblet lined with edible gold. At the base of the goblet is an 18-karat gold bracelet with 1 carat of white diamonds.

The sundae is topped with whipped cream covered with more gold and a side of La Madeline au Truffle from Knipschildt Chocolatier, which sells for $2,600 a pound.

Bluetooth Pen Computer

Rick — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 19:25:15 +0000

I thought this was freakin awesome. Granted, it’s probably crap at this point, but it just goes to show you that the possibilities are truly endless. Check out the picture to the right. Looks like a nifty little pen holder. Awesome, right? I wouldn’t mind having a cool pen holder.

Now starting thinking about James Bond. and look at the pic below. It’s a Bluetooth computer! One projects the display, one projects a Bluetooth laser keyboard and I would imagine that one of them is a mouse of some sort. Then I would imagine one is flash memory and one is RAM and the base is a charger of some sort but that’s all complete speculation.

I got this in an email from a friend and no one seems to know what the initial source of these pictures are so I don’t know any of the real details about it, but I think it’s pretty dang cool. I was always thinking about getting one of these Bluetooth Virtual Keyboards for a while but I’d like to at least be able to try on out first. I think they’re pretty sweet, but I’d hate to pay 150$ and have them be crappy.

This is one of those things that I don’t think I could ever justify buying but it would be one of those things that I would absolutely love to have. It would be cool to whip out a few pens and break out a gaming system

I just couldn’t imagine dropping a pen or losing a pen and being out 500$ Other than that… I love this sh!t.

The Amazing 8-Limbed Indian Girl

Rick — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 22:52:39 +0000

Holy hell! When you hear it, it’s one thing, but when you see it… Thank God for modern medicine and technology in the US. This sort of thing doesn’t happen (at least that I know of) over here. It’s apparently the cause of a parasitic twin that stopped developing and the surviving fetus absorbed the limbs and other body parts.

Can you even imagine this?!? In this picture, and especially the other picture here she seems completely content and completely normal otherwise. She’s actually a pretty cute little girl and she comes from an attractive family. The article where the picture is from mentions that she is undergoing surgery now and that things are looking hopeful. They’re hoping to give her as much of a normal body as possible.

I hate to even mention this, but I was just getting ready to write that I get the “shivers” every time I see the picture. When I saw the word shivers written, I subconsciously thought of Shiva Nataraj, who I believe is a Hindu God. I wonder if people are thinking that she is Shiva reborn and what they are thinking about the fact that they are performing surgery to remove the extra limbs. Just curious.

Stupid Guy Recognized for Doing Something Stupid

Rick — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 18:52:36 +0000

I found this silly article on http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21644404/?GT1=10547 and I had to throw in a quick “What The F*ck”! This jackass sat in a tub with 87 rattlesnakes for 45 minutes just so he could hold the Guinness World Record. He also holds the record for holding the most (10) rattlesnakes with his mouth. Again, WTF?!?!

Are you serious? Did you not get enough attention when you were young? Who is really this stupid? They claim that the fangs/venom were still intact. I just don’t understand where people come up with this crap and who the hell is interested. I guess Guinness is interested, but again, who the hell cares!

The only thing that makes sense in the entire article is a quote from jackass himself: “I do it for the attention,” Bibby said. “I like being on television. I signed autographs for 45 minutes today.” At least he admits it.

Good job dumbass!

Adrian Peterson, the Man, the Myth, the Rookie?

Rick — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 20:19:03 +0000

Holy crap man! This guy is amazing. He’s the first rookie to break 200 yards twice in his rookie year. After 9 weeks, he holds the NFL record for rushing yards! He’s making LT’s rookie year look like normal. He’s sitting at 1,036 yards with a 6.6 yards per carry average and has 8 TDs. He’s averaging 1 TD and 129.5 yards per game!

The 2nd most rushing yards goes to Willie Parker at a measley 726 yards. LT only has 657! It’s also interesting to note though that Joseph Addai has 704 and this is only his 2nd year, but also that Marshawn Lynch has 690 and he’s also a rookie. Addai and LT both have 7 TDs, tied for 2nd. He and Willie Parker both have 9 carries for more than 20 yards, the next best is player has 5. He has FIVE carries for more than 40 yards!!! The 4 next best players are tied with 2. Outstanding!

If I must say something bad about this guy… it’s that he’s obviously not good enough for the mother F’ing sports analysts to think that he’d do ANYthing against San Diego. Note the thick sarcasm. I listened to the fantasy people in the pregame shows who all agreed that LT would kill and Peterson would bust. I sat him and played Jamal Lewis instead. Granted, Lewis got me 30 points or so, but Peterson would have gotten me about 45. Considering I’m only leading by 15 going into Monday playing against a receiver and defense, I’d much rather have those 15 points for padding.

Never again will is listen to those bastards

Patriots Win, Again!

Rick — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 04:14:22 +0000

So, was the game of the year/century worth all the hype? You couldn’t turn on your TV or radio this week without hearing the hype about Manning vs Brady… Colts vs Pats. So was it all worth the hype?

Hmmm, that’s a tough one. I think 5 minutes before the game started and 5 minutes before the game ended I was going nuts with anticipation. Because of the hype, we had a chili cook-off, so we had a big crowd watching the game. It was super-bowl-esque. We had bets (play money, of course ) flying around left a right, we had hats being thrown to the ground and stomped on, and we had extreme disappointment and sweet relief in the same room. It was a great game. The hype was just.

Any game that goes down to the wire like this one did is a good game to watch. I think this game highlighted the two Defenses more than it did the Quarterbacks. Also, who’s Randy Moss if he doesn’t shine when he knows the world is watching. He just justified his paycheck tonight. So did Addai on the other end. He was outstanding! The commentators mentioned his moves looking like Barry Sanders… I have to agree. It’s going to be fun to watch this guy.

Of the two QB’s, Manning looked sharp at the beginning and Brady looked pretty bad. A few sacks and a few interceptions. Manning, like usual, was untouchable… until late in the game, which ultimately sealed the deal.

It was funny because I kept saying it was going to go down to the cliche 2 minute drill for Manning or Brady just to play out all the hyped drama. “Who’s the best with 2 minutes left?” “Who is the best comeback QB?” It just felt like it HAD to come to that. With a little more than 2 left, Brady marched right down the field and too the lead (a comeback drive, if you will), and then Manning started doing the same, but he eventually got nailed and lost the ball…

Game over. Pats win. Brady wins… and Moss wins.

We all know that this doesn’t mean that Brady is now better than Manning (if you think it means that, you’re stupid), but damn it was fun to watch how it all played out. Brady muscled up and gave all the naysayers a big “F” “U” while Manning crumbled.

Who knows what would have happened though if Harrison played.

“Lend Me a Tenor” in St Charles, Go See It!

Rick — Sat, 03 Nov 2007 04:37:36 +0000

Ok, it’s probably too late for all I know, but I thought I’d spread the word anyway. There’s a play in St Charles (MO) called “Lend Me a Tenor” that kicked off tonight. It’s just a local community theater deal, but if you’re into that sort of thing, you have to check this one out.

Frankly, I’m not into this sort of thing. This was the first one I’ve seen. We went to go see a good friend who was acting in it, and I had no idea what to expect. I was nervous as hell when it started because I was nervous for her, but then she blew us away. Once the nervousness was gone, I could actually focus on the play and believe it or not, it was pretty damn good. Funny too.

It is running this weekend and next. I’m happy to recommend it to anyone who is open to the whole play-watching thing. Perhaps even if you’re not; It’s entertaining. I’d only seen these kind of things in movies, where they’re made to look boring and lame. I was pleasantly surprised, it was neither.

Good Job guys… and girls.

Here’s where we found all the info: http://stcharlesjournal.stltoday.com

Virtual Pumpkin Carving

Rick — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 19:09:32 +0000

Just a fun little flash deal that I thought I’d share

http://www.coasttocoastam.com/timages/page/pumpkin_sim.html

Too Busy to Breathe

Rick — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 16:43:14 +0000

If you haven’t guessed, I’ve been spending every waking hour cleaning and organizing the house and yard. Today we have a real-estate agent coming by to tell us how much money we think we can get from our house. Anything more than $350k and we’re gone. We have until the end of the day to secure a contract on the lot we’re wanting to build on, so we’ll have about 2 hours to figure out the numbers and make an offer.

Anyway, needless to say, it’s could get very difficult for me to blog if things start moving forward. Perhaps the theme of this blog will take a turn toward home-building

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